CHAPTER TWO
Are You Really Happy?
by Stephen Knapp
So, are you happy? Are you truly content? Or are there many things that you wish
you could change? Do you wish you had a better job? A better girlfriend or
boyfriend, wife or husband? A better place to live? A nicer car? Are there other
changes you anticipate in your life which should give you happiness after having
accomplished or achieved them?
Let's face it, if you are still hoping for happiness, it means you don't have it. Sure, sure, maybe things are OK and not too bad. Maybe you need to appreciate what you have more than you do. We all need to do that. Yet, maybe you are still hoping for improvements, substantial changes. However, just trying to be satisfied with what we already have doesn't mean we have to stagnate, or merely act like everything is just fine. And if you haven't found the spontaneous or self-sufficient happiness that you would like by now, maybe you do not know where to find it. So where are we supposed to look?
In order to know where to find genuine happiness, we must also discern where not to look. So let's consider this. Did you know that the World Happiness Survey placed the United States at 46th among the happiest countries in the world? This is not so good. The United Kingdom was only 32nd. Yet India was recorded as being second on the list as having the happiest people in the world. Now when you think that we have got more facility and comforts than most countries, why aren't the people of America happier? When we evaluate this, it appears that the people of the most advanced countries often are the least happy.
One problem is that most of these "advanced" countries propose a lifestyle emphasizing consumerism and the acquisition of wealth and possessions as the basis of happiness. It is the concept that happiness lies within the control of one's external situation, or surrounding oneself with everything he or she needs in order to pamper the mind and senses with stimulation and ease of living. It is this western society that stresses that happiness can be found in the next purchase of the latest appliance or gizmo, or a bigger house, or whatever else you think you need. This idea leads one down a wrong path. Now from where did this idea come? Thinking that this is what brings happiness often merely leads one to stress and anxiety, the pressure of pursuing one's material goals, which is actually another form of misery no matter how slight it may be. Being in stress is not happiness. And it can lead to more serious diseases, such as headaches, high blood pressure, back pain, emotional problems, heart attacks, which can continue to lead to other social difficulties, all of which decrease one's duration of life. It is for this reason that the most prosperous countries seem to have the least happiness. Therefore, even on the most basic material level, where there is the least stress one can find the most happiness.
It is often seen that accepting intentional or voluntary simplicity is a way to attain a stress-free lifestyle, in which case happiness is easier to attain. More money doesn't mean more happiness. It may help attain some freedom. But freedom for what? If you have the financial freedom to waste time and resources on unnecessary purchases or a frivolous lifestyle, then what good is the extra money? It often only creates more problems in such a case, especially when the money begins to run out. Then some people start getting so upset that their money is getting scarce that they will do all kinds of embarrassing or even compromising or illegal activities to try to get more money.
Furthermore, if we look closely we can see that consumerism is, basically, another form of selfishness displayed in our attempts to meet all our demands for personal pleasure. We can see that the importance placed on this can lead to additional breakdowns, not only of our health from feelings of pressure and stress, as mentioned earlier, but also in the breakdowns of our environment, our resources, families, as well as social culture. As we pursue the race to maintain all of our material standards that we have become accustomed to, or that we desire, we tend to adopt the attitude that we want to lead a life of ease and facility at whatever cost. Even at the expense of losing our environment, clean air and water, and so on, so that polluting factories can produce what I think I want. In other words, we begin to lose our natural resources and all that we need to maintain ourselves and provide for a peaceful life. And without peace, there can be no happiness.
Happiness in this sort of environment also seems to be based on the anticipation or hope that something new is going to come along and change everything. You'll want to get a better position or job, a better paying occupation, a more exciting partner, a bigger house or apartment, and so on. We think that when that happens, everything will be different--better. Then when that doesn't happen, happiness is missing, and disappointment follows. Or if you do acquire such things in your attempt to be happy, in many cases you spend much of your life taking care of problems to maintain what you have. If something or someone breaks down or needs attention, you have to stop and take care of it. Many people are often so busy with their numerous affairs and problems that they have no time to really ask whether they are truly happy. They are simply too preoccupied with everything.
Similarly, when you have a family, you also need to attend to the demands of others. To take care of the needs of your loved ones may certainly bring a type of joy, to be needed by them and watch them grow. Yet, often times the desires and demands of your family do not cease but increase. They are always in need or in want of something more because of the philosophy of consumerism that is all around us. Thus, rather than spending time enjoying life and being content, you often are neglecting yourself for the benefit of someone else, and merely going from one problem to the next trying to take care of the needs or demands of others. The point is that you can't enjoy your life or what you have if you are always struggling to maintain it or have no time to appreciate it.
It reminds me of the Taoist expression that when you have a jug, it is the emptiness inside which makes it useful. If it becomes too full, there is nothing else you can do with it. Similarly, our life is useful when we have the time to reflect and be content. If we are too busy, what else can we do with our lives? We have no time. I remember when my friends and I were 19 and 20 years old. We thought being 30 was ancient and so far away that it would take forever for us to reach that age. Now that I'm way beyond 30, I look back and realize that it did not take that long to get to where I am now. It all goes by much quicker than you think. Have you ever noticed that the busier you are, the faster time goes by, and the more rapidly your life disappears? It may be time to slow down.
It has been found that in poor countries, a slow and simple agrarian lifestyle often leads to higher levels of happiness rather than the lifestyle of being overly busy working and acquiring an assortment of objects and possessions to pamper or thrill the mind and body. I have been to India several times, and many people seem to be oblivious to the fact that they are poor. But poor by whose standards? They are often happier and friendlier than people in the West while making the best of what they have. We may have so much material facility, such as nice house, car, clothes, money, etc., but if we lack inner contentment, then we are truly poor. This would indicate that the real happiness we are looking for is really inside us, not outside. We just have to reconnect with who we really are and reach that happiness within. When we do that, we carry that connectedness, that self-assuredness wherever we go, in whatever we do, in whatever happens. When we can do that, we will attain self-sufficient happiness.
Therefore, the above information would suggest that real happiness is not found in the acquirement of temporary objects, prizes or possessions. Naturally, there can be a thrill to achieve something significant in life, whether it be a better occupation, passing a tough exam, or taking yourself physically to the limit and winning in an athletic sport of some kind after months or years of practice. These can all be sources of personal pride and happiness. But these all come and go. This doesn't mean that you should not do them. It means not to get caught up in making your whole life evolve around them. After all, we all retire at some point. Our big new job will not last forever. The exam we passed may only give way to newer tests later on. And the physical sport that we are so good at today will be done better by some younger person in due time.
What does this mean? It means to take pleasure in them only for the personal progress and maturity they help you make, not merely for the state of mind they produce, knowing full well that the mental platform is flickering. What may feel great today may not give the same thrill later, or may even become boring. It also means not to make your whole identity something that you know will change with age. You can't help but change, and you must be malleable to that aspect of life. Your identity as a baseball star, a movie personality, a hot model, a music icon, or any other kind of celebrity or position, may be recorded in history, but someone younger will at some point come along and take your place, along with your share of the glory, and no doubt for more money. So don't feel resentful, nor should you think that is where to find real happiness that does not fade, because all material things diminish with time.
The point is that being truly happy does not need the acquirement of something. Happiness that depends on the increase of temporary comforts, possessions or position is an illusion. People get married for happiness. They pursue a career for happiness. Or they buy a big house for happiness. Then they get divorced for happiness. Or they quit their job for happiness. Or they move into another place for happiness. Happiness remains very elusive through such endeavors if you have not already found it within you. You need to be happy right here and now, in your present situation in your Self. Otherwise you may never be fulfilled.
Happiness is basically a state of mind. Happiness depends more on one's disposition and outlook. Only by connecting to your real identity, deeper than merely the body and mind, can one reach real happiness because that is where such happiness is always found. In this way, very little is needed to have a happy life. It is all within yourself. Thus, we can attain a state of being satisfied with what we have without being anxious to attain all our temporal desires, without worrying about the future, and without concerning ourselves with unnecessary hopes and fears. When you are really and naturally happy from within, everything else that you accomplish can be viewed as icing on the cake, an extra sweetness to life. But such external activities are not where true happiness lies.
For example, there is an old Buddhist saying: If you have a problem you cannot solve, why worry about it? If you have a problem you can solve, then why worry about it? So if our happiness depends on things we cannot control, we will always experience worry and despair. Thus, happiness comes from ceasing to worry about that which is beyond our influence, or even that within our control.
Let's say that someone says something critical or harsh about you and you feel bad because of it. Or maybe you get angry. You then make the arrangement to face them and correct the situation. And if a simple discussion with them rectifies the situation, all well and good. But maybe you want to do more than this. Maybe you even take them to court if it is serious enough. Once you do this and if you win, you feel vindicated, having protected your honor. Maybe the person does indeed deserve a lesson. However, if you know yourself truly, that is more important than to care how others see you. When you are established in your true inner identity and connected to your real Self, you will care little about defending your honor or how others perceive you or what they may say. You will go on with your life, content with who you are and will care little about how others understand you, especially if they do not care enough to really get to know you anyway. Thus, you won't lose your state of happiness just because someone else has said something bad about you. This is the importance of being connected with your true identity and inner Self. This is what we need to do.
The only reason why people cannot attain their inward spiritual bliss right here and now is because they put too much focus on their external situation and what they feel they need and how to get it. Or they focus on the problems that they think they have. Actually, what people need to be happy is right inside them, at all times, regardless of whatever trials and challenges may happen outside and around them. As I've always said, it is not what happens to you, but it is how you perceive it and how you react or respond to it that makes the difference. We have to understand that happiness and distress is a constant flow in material life. We are affected by it only if we identify with it. One has to learn to rise above that by connecting with your true self, or higher Self. So how do we do that? That is what we are going to learn in the following chapters.
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